Ketidaksadaran manusia. Ketakutan akan kehidupan. Aku takut menggerakan kakiku. Langkah berat yang aku sendiri tak mengerti. Lalu kemana aku harus bergerak, kemana aku harus menepi? Aku Takut Melakukan Apapun! Aku bahkan takut keluar dari nyamanku. Kututup lalu kubuka lagi. Buku elektronik yang setia menemani. Lalu kini aku sendiri. Takut menyerbu hati, dan aku membusuk disini.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Life's a bitch. And i know it from the beginning. Dealing with life can (or can't) release you from hell, but it surely catches you in difficult moment and strangle you until you said "enough" and you bite on the hand that been strangling you. You release yourself.
And why do i feel like an idiot? My life's happy, at least from the relative side of my mind, but i still feel like screaming insanely to the wall with the most retarded mind i could think of, like FUCK! And it's not ending just there.
I feel like i wanna kill myself. More than once. I feel like i can't do this anymore, i'm tired of this shit. I always screw up, and i'm not a drug addict! Well, internet addict, may be, but i don't think that would be any worth screwing my life, right? I never seen an actual human in my life (and on tv) who go to a rehab for internet addiction.
And from what i know, internet addiction didn't give any STD either.
So why bother? Well, like i said before, i wanna FUCKING KILL MYSELF. And that's not my only problem. My problem is more than one.
Yes, more than one. And the other one is more insane than the others. The weirder side of my mind is KNOWING that what i'm thinking is wrong, and i carefully chooses what to think and what's not to think. I begin not to admit what i'm feeling. Sometimes i'm feeling so fucking numb i can't even laugh. The only thing that can make me laugh these times is those crackhead article at cracked.com. but it's still didn't make me feel better. Either.
Have you feel something that's so troubling you, so bitching in your mind, so make you wanna scream FUCK THIS and run away naked in front of a crowded street? I do. And i won't admit that i feel that way. I feel like i can't release my emotion, but i know that if i release it, then it will get released in a very corky way. Well, not corky, more like crazy way. My mother said i have to go to beach to scream and do something that can release my emotion but HOW CAN I GO THE BEACH??? MY HOUSE IS FUCKING HUNDRED MILES AWAY FROM THE CLOSEST BEACH.
Man, this article sucks. My life sucks. My problem sucks. Fuck that, i need to go forward. My name's still as heroic as Chuck Norris, so i think i might holdin' to that until some asshat tells me that Chuck Norris is old as fuck and your name's not cool neither. Fuck that, i will punch that guy instantly when i met one.